10 Best Tennis Play Of All Time

Best Tennis Play Of All Time in 2023

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Humiliating Things About Inpatient Hospital Stays

There is nothing more gratifying than remedying an illness via a thorough inpatient hospital visit. However, inpatient stays tend to be the most humiliating experiences of all time. Here's why...

The Hospital Gown

Clearly, the most humiliating thing about surrendering your "freedom" to medical professionals is in the choice of attire selected for patients. The hospital gown was not meant to serve any sort of couture purposes (though Jean-Paul Gaultier may disagree.) There is really only one justifiable function of the hospital gown---and that is easy access to the human body. Nonetheless, it is this precise function that contributes to one's overwhelming sense of vulnerability. The thin material, the sterile design, and the strategic placement of the sashes all scream "amateur fashion design student." One would think that a simple single-colored robe secured on the side would be sufficient for medical examinations. Alas, someone in charge at the Hospital Gown Design Academy decided that this form of attire should reduce one's self-esteem to a miserable low.

"Kiddie-Size Me"

If you have ever had hospital food delivered to your room at any time, you'll notice right away that your entire meal appears to have been delivered directly from the nearest elementary school. This is because the items on the tray have been reduced in size to facilitate what medical professionals call, a balanced diet. Sure, we all know that typical proportions of American food have practically quadrupled in recent years. But in comparison to what we're used to seeing on our plates, the kiddie-sized juices, gelatins, puddings, and other foods are more than shameful to the average adult. Hospital food isn't meant to "stuff" patients to the point that they must loosen the sashes on their designer hospital gowns. But it would be nice to see food proportions reflect those for persons over the age of ten.

"You Wanna See What?"

Depending upon the kind of illness one becomes hospitalized for, there is the possibility that he/she may be asked to submit regular samples of waste material. No, I'm not referring to the errant used tissue; nor am I referring to wasted cotton balls or band-aids. The little insignificant "gifts" that people generally relegate to their lavatorial facilities are often of great interest to doctors and nurses. During inpatient stays in the hospital, you just may be asked to submit a urine and/or stool sample on one or more occasions. This all sounds just fine...until you actually find yourself sitting (or lying) there trying to get comfortable enough to do your thing. This is usually the time when one begins to realize that someone will be examining your most personal offerings. Knowing that people will soon be gathered around, handling your waste materials and openly discussing your "poo" is quite an unnerving concept. How's that for giving a gift that keeps on giving...?

All About Town

Another degrading aspect of the hospital stay includes the transport of patients to other parts of the hospital for various tests. Patients staying in hospitals that are especially large are more apt to having this experience. Typically, a nurse or some other member of staff will come to the patient's room and wheel them to another location. But it isn't the process of testing that becomes demoralizing; it is the ride itself. While you are strapped into your chair or stretcher, you are silently wheeled through a maze of doors and units which all seem to be occupied by "civilians." These are the people who have come to the hospital to visit their loved ones. As they pass or stand next to you (the patient) in the elevator, you are essentially "on display." Though it is completely acceptable to see patients being wheeled to and fro, the hospital's visitors all seem to be watching you as if you are a specimen on Animal Planet.

No Rest for the Weary...

Hospitals are places of healing...of cures...and of rest...NOT. Anyone who believes that you can really get the kind of rest that hospitals claim to offer is indeed a fool. Sure, you have an entire staff dedicated to your comfort. Having some pain? Push the nurses' button. Need a new pillow? Push the nurses button. But once nighttime hits (depending upon your specific illness), all bets are off where privacy and rest is concerned. For the hospital is merely a hotel wherein the staff is allowed to enter your room at any given moment and poke you with various objects. You could be in the deepest of slumbers, experiencing one of the best dreams of your entire adult life---when all of a sudden, a nurse with "Man Hands" comes into your room to check your vitals. You can also be assured that this will continue in sporadic, immeasurable increments of time---for the remainder of the night.